After the Darkness
by wild-angel82
Summary: Just another one of those post-finale stories. This is my version of what might have happened.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Just another one of those post-finale stories. This is my version of what might have happened.

A/N: With the lack of Minx for the next couple of months (and yes I do choose to believe they will both be back with Prospect Park), there are bound to be a few post-finale stories, but I couldn't help writing my own version. This is most likely going to be my longest Minx fanfiction to date, as well as the most dramatic one. But I hope you enjoy!

I wanna dedicate this story to everyone at AfterEllen's Minx thread as a thank you for making the Minxless days a little bit more bearable. You guys rock!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This is for entertainment purposes only.

**After the Darkness**

Marissa didn't know how many shots there actually were. She stopped counting after the second one and her ability to perceive anything going on around her suddenly perished. She couldn't see anything, she couldn't hear anything and she barely had enough strength within her to stay conscious. At least she thought she was still conscious, although she wasn't completely sure. There was darkness all around her and the world was at mute and she tried to move, but somehow her limbs wouldn't listen to her brain. She was in full panic mode and as much as she wanted to do something, scream, run, anything, she couldn't. She temporarily lost the ability to control her body or her senses. For a moment she didn't know where she was or what was happening.

And then she heard screams, people running past her, people running across the room, people running out of the room, people calling each other… And she saw blood… And she felt blood… She felt blood on her hands, but she had no idea whose it was. She didn't think it was hers, since she didn't feel any pain, but then again she didn't feel much of anything at that particular moment, so she really didn't know.

"Bianca!" Marissa heard someone scream in sheer panic and when she finally found her strength to turn around, her legs gave way at the picture in front of her. Bianca was lying on the floor in a pool of blood, with Erica kneeling beside her daughter, tears streaming down her face. And then Marissa felt a pair of strong arms helping her stay in an upright position, but despite the help, and she had no idea whose, she once again felt like she had no control over her body. So for a moment she just kept staring at her girlfriend on the floor with a group of people over her, sheer terror in her eyes. And she wanted to do something, to help, but she felt like she was watching a movie, like she was somehow just a spectator and not a participant in what was happening. And she still really couldn't grasp what exactly was happening, even with the horrible scene in front of her eyes.

It took Marissa a while to process what was had just transpired. It was like technically she was aware of everything, but her body just wouldn't react the way she wanted it to. So it took a while until she got herself together. And when she finally regained control over her limbs, she was immediately by her girlfriend's side, holding her hand and shaking uncontrollably. She still wasn't sure what exactly had just happened, because the truth was so horrible that her mind was telling her not to believe her eyes, and all she could see was Bianca lying on the floor, her dress soaked with blood, struggling to take one breath after another.

Marissa squeezed Bianca's hand and gently stroked her cheek, still not really believing what was happening. Did her girlfriend really just get shot? Did someone really fire a gun at the party? They must have, since Bianca was now lying on the floor, most likely with a bullet in her body.

Marissa almost couldn't breathe when the realization hit her, but somehow she knew she needed to stay conscious and aware for Bianca. For Bianca, who was lying on the floor in a puddle of blood. Her girlfriend was lying on the floor in a puddle of blood and Marissa still couldn't really grasp the concept of what had just happened.

She tried to look around to see what was happening in the room, but she couldn't take her eyes off of Bianca and Erica desperately trying to convince her daughter to hang on.

"Sweetie, everything is going to be OK. The EMTs are on their way and they're gonna be here any minute. You just stay calm."

"It's gonna be fine." Marissa promised, not really knowing that herself, but feeling the need to reassure Bianca. How in the world did they even end up in this situation? What the hell just happened? "Everything's gonna be fine, sweetie." She repeated stroking Bianca's cheek and desperately trying not to look at Bianca's blood-soaked dressed and the puddle of blood around them. And for the second time that night Marissa felt like she was outside her own body, doing things that in her mind she knew she was doing and she was supposed to do, but somehow refusing to fully believe that she was actually holding Bianca's hand now because Bianca had been shot. It seemed like some sort of a cruel joke or a nightmare she desperately wanted to wake up from, but didn't know how.

Bianca tried to say something, but evidently she temporarily lacked the capacity to do so, and both Erica and Marissa hurried to urge her not to exert herself.

"Don't say anything." Marissa begged. "Save your strength for later.

"I can't…" Bianca tried to tell them, but again they refused to listen.

"Yes you can!" Erica insisted. "You just hang in there and everything will be fine." Erica almost shouted, squeezing her daughter's hand tightly and trying to make sure Bianca didn't see her tears.

"What the hell happened?" Kendall cried, finally making her presence known. "What the hell was that?" She asked, but it was more of a rhetorical question. "Jesus!" She exclaimed as she realized that the pool of blood around her sister was getting bigger and bigger. "Somebody get some help, damn it!"

"They're on their way." Ryan assured, but he knew that it wasn't going to bring any comfort to any of them. He looked around the room to make sure that everyone else was OK. It did seem so, except for Scott, whose grimace on his face clearly indicated that he was in pain.

"Hey man, are you OK?" Ryan asked a little worried.

"I'm fine." Scott assured him. "It's just a flesh wound, I will be OK." He replied. "Is anyone else hurt?" He asked looking at Bianca terrified.

"I don't think so. Everyone seems to be doing OK. What the hell was that anyway? Did you see anything?"

"No. I have no idea what happened." Scott answered, evidently shaken. "Who the hell would do something like that? What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure as hell going to find out." Ryan vowed as he made his way towards Greenlee and wrapped his arms around her. Right now everybody seemed to be concentrating on Bianca and watched in terror as Erica, Kendall and Marissa kept begging her not to give up and reassuring her that everything was going to be fine. It was one picture none of them would ever want to see. Yet there they were, watching as a member of their family was struggling to stay alive and praying to God that everything would turn out OK.

Seconds later they noticed paramedics entering the room and running towards Bianca. Erica and Kendall immediately stepped away to clear the way for the paramedics, but Marissa just couldn't let go of Bianca's hand.

"Come on." She heard Scott's voice behind her as he started to drag her away from Bianca. "Let them do their job."

"But I… She…" Marissa wanted to say something, but she wasn't exactly sure what it was what she wanted to convey.

"Come on." Scott repeated as Marissa finally let go of Bianca's hand and observed the paramedics put Bianca on a gurney and wheel her out of the room, with Erica running behind them and screaming that she was riding with her daughter in the ambulance.

And that's when Marissa finally felt the tears fall. They were streaming down her face, wetting her cheeks and her neck, as the reality of what had just happened finally started to set it. Bianca had been shot. Bianca had been shot and she was most likely fighting for her life right now, and Marissa finally felt like she had no more strength to hold on, that right now she could finally stop being so damn strong for Bianca. And that's when she let the darkness finally consume her.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: First of all, thank you all very much for the amazing response I got for the first chapter. I'm really glad you enjoyed the beginning of my story and took the time to comment on it! I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

**Chapter 2**

When Marissa opened her eyes, she didn't seem to know where she was and for a moment she didn't seem to remember what had happened either. She looked around and realized that she was in a hospital bed in an empty hospital room. And then she remembered the shooting, Bianca getting hurt, the blood…

"Bianca!" She screamed almost involuntarily and a second later saw her mother standing over her bed.

"It's OK honey." Krystal placed her hands on both Marissa's shoulders. "Just calm down, sweetie. Please."

"Where is Bianca?" Marissa asked again, this time directing her question at her mother. "I need to see her!"

"Sweetie, you can't see her now." Krystal explained, trying to remain as calm as she could. "She is in surgery."

"How is she? She is going to be OK, right?" She asked desperately and when Krystal wouldn't answer, she repeated her question. "She's going to be OK, right?"

"Oh honey." Krystal said teary-eyed as she pulled Marissa in for a hug.

"No, don't you _oh honey _me." Marissa protested strongly as she pushed Krystal away. "I need you to tell me right now that Bianca is going to be OK."

"She has lost a lot of blood, they're doing everything they can." Krystal explained as her heart broke at the sight of fear and panic in her daughter's eyes.

"I wanna see her!" Marissa announced as she jumped out of her hospital bed and headed for the door, but before she could reach it, she felt her head spin and she almost collapsed.

"You can't leave." Krystal managed to prevent her daughter from falling to the floor and walked her back to the bed, where she helped her sit. "You're still very weak honey, you need to stay in bed. They wouldn't let you see her anyway. She's in surgery and they didn't even let her family see her."

"But I'm her family!" Marissa cried as she thought back to the family barbecue they had just attended at the Slater house.

"I know." Krystal agreed as she reached for her daughter's hand and squeezed it gently in a reassuring gesture. Marissa seemed to be calming down a little, but Krystal knew it was partly because of the sedative she had been given when she was brought in.

"I don't even know what happened." Marissa whispered in a tearful voice as she started recollecting the events of the night. "I heard gunshots and then I totally froze. I couldn't see or hear anything and when I finally realized what was happening she was just lying there… And there was blood… So much blood…" Marissa kept remembering as her sobs were getting louder and louder. And this time Krystal put her arms around her daughter and her held tightly. She would give anything to take away the pain Marissa was no doubt feeling, but she was powerless to do that. So she just pulled Marissa closer and let her sob into her neck.

When Marissa's sobs subsided, she looked at her mother with tears and her eyes and asked, "Where is everyone?"

"They're out in the hall. But you need to rest." Krystal pleaded.

"No, I need to be there with everybody, mom." Marissa insisted. "I need to be there in case there is any news about Bianca. I just… I need to be there…"

"OK." Krystal finally gave in. "Are you OK to walk?"

"Yeah, I just need to do it more slowly and carefully than the last time." Marissa slowly stood on her own two feet and made her way out of the room, with Krystal close by in case her daughter once again needed assistance.

When they entered the hall, Marissa met with about a dozen of pairs of enquiring eyes.

"Hey Marissa, are you OK?" Kendall immediately walked up to her and pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm fine, I'm not the one who got shot." Marissa said through tears as she looked at Kendall questioningly. "How is she?"

"They're not really telling us much." Kendall sighed, obviously exhausted and desperate for answers, just like everybody else. "Just that she has lost a lot of blood and they are doing what they can and we should be hopeful."

"So basically they don't know anything?" Marissa asked almost angry, not so much at the doctors she guessed, but the situation in general.

"They say that the bullet didn't hit any vital organs." Greenlee started explaining, "But she has lost so much blood that they just can't say for sure… They say the next 24 hours will be critical. If she makes it, then she should be fine."

"_IF_ she makes it?" Marissa looked at Greenlee like she wanted to slap her, even though it really wasn't Greenlee's fault. She was just most likely retelling what the doctors told them. "Of course she's gonna make it. She's Bianca Montgomery. She's a fighter."

"You got that right!" They heard the voice of Erica Kane who was apparently returning from another conversation with the doctor. "She's a Kane and us Kane women don't give up that easily." Erica stated firmly, although anyone who had eyes could see that she was barely holding it together. But of course she was trying very hard to be Erica Kane and not show anyone how much she was hurting.

"Is there anything new?" Kendall asked squeezing her mother's hand in a comforting gesture, even though she herself was barely able to stand.

"No." Erica replied helplessly. "Just the same old, same old… _We can't say anything for sure, we'll let you know as soon as we know, be patient…_ How patient do they want me to be when my daughter is fighting for her life?" Erica asked angry as Kendall pulled her in for a hug to calm her down a little.

"I can't believe this is happening." Greenlee whispered wiping her own tears from her cheeks. "It's just so surreal. I mean a couple of hours ago we were at a party, happy, celebrating new beginnings and now Bianca is lying there with a bullet in her body… It's just not fair."

"No it's not." Kendall agreed. "But she's gonna be back here with us before we know it." Kendall proclaimed even though she was far from believing it. But she needed to keep the faith that her sister was going to fight.

For a moment everybody got lost in their own thoughts until they were interrupted by Ryan's phone ringing.

"I gotta take that." He said a little uncomfortably as he answered the phone and walked away not to disturb anybody. When he came back a few moments later, he couldn't have been more pale.

"Ryan?" Greenlee was the first one to notice his confused and slightly terrified expression.

"That was Jesse." Ryan started explaining, still in shock of what he was about to say. "They just got the shooter." Ryan paused as everyone kept looking at him intently waiting for more information. "Apparently he got hit by a car when he was running from the house. He still had the gun with him."

For a moment everybody was silent until finally Greenlee asked the question everyone else was asking in their minds, "Was it someone we know?"

Ryan took a deep breath and looking at his expression they knew that they weren't going to like what he was about to say.

"It was JR."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: First of all let me just say that I am so very sorry for the lack of updates recently! I have spent the last two weeks in bed with fever and coughing my brains out, so I was in no shape whatsoever to write anything. I'm feeling much better now, so I promise the updates will be more frequent now.

**Chapter 3 **

_It was JR_. _It was JR. It was JR_.

The words echoed in Marissa's head to the point where they blended into a string of meaningless sounds. She felt that for an umpteenth time that night she couldn't breathe. She felt her knees getting weaker and weaker and it took all her strength not to collapse that very moment. She wanted to say something, ask questions, but the shock she had just experienced was preventing her from doing that. She could only hear people around her exchange comments and opinions.

"What do you mean it was JR?" Krystal asked, terrified of what it all meant for her daughter. And she was well aware of the fact that JR was not a saint, but this…

"As in JR Chandler?" Kendall was the next one to ask a question, but truth be told, she knew very well which JR Ryan was referring to.

"How many JRs do we know?" Ryan pointed out sighing and looked around, noticing the shock on everyone's faces. None of them had been expecting this. Manipulating and blackmailing, sure, but this? This was way too sick even for JR.

"I need some fresh air." Marissa whispered, hurriedly leaving the hall and the hospital, totally forgetting that technically she was still a patient.

She couldn't believe what she had just heard. JR. JR head done it. JR was responsible for one of the most horrific nights of her life. For shooting the woman that she loved, for terrorizing her family, for all the tears in Erica's and Kendall's eyes. For the pain Bianca's daughters were going to feel when they found out about this. For all the suffering that the aftermath of this night was going to bring…. JR… It was all JR… It was all JR trying to hurt her, trying to destroy her happiness. And she couldn't stop him.

„Are you OK honey?" Marissa heard her mother's warm voice behind her and she soon felt Krystal putting her arm around her. "You left so suddenly, I was worried about you."

"How can I be OK when I'm the one who did this?" Marissa asked looking at her mother with desperation.

"What are you talking about?" Krystal asked surprised.

"Bianca got shot because of me. Because my bastard of an ex-husband wanted to hurt me, get back at me for taking his son away. And I knew he was up to something, but I had no idea he would go this far… I mean that's far even for him… I never thought that he would… Oh God…" Marissa rubbed her eyes trying to stop the tears from falling. She desperately wanted to be stronger for Bianca, for everybody, but the idea of how much she contributed to JR going mad was killing her inside.

"Honey, this is not your fault. JR was the one who picked up that gun and shot Bianca, not you." Krystal tried to reason with Marissa, but Marissa wasn't hearing it.

"But I'm the one who drove him to it. I'm the one who got a restraining order against him. I'm the one who made him feel like he was losing his son and he wanted to get back at me for that. And he knew that the best way would be to hurt the people that I love. Oh my God, everyone's gonna hate me and they're gonna be right…"

"No one's gonna hate you, Marissa. Everybody knows how much you love Bianca."

"Yeah, and just look where that love got her? An operating table with a bullet in her chest. God, mom, what if she doesn't… I can't even imagine…"

"Shhh, don't even think about it." Krystal tightened her hug around her daughter. "You have to think positive. Bianca is strong and she's going to fight."

"I know she's strong. She's the strongest person I know… But this? I just… I mean she can't die, she just can't…"

"And she's not going to." Krystal reassured. "She's going to fight. For her daughters and for you."

"Oh God, what am I gonna tell Miranda and Gabby? They're gonna hate me for this."

"No they're not." Krystal insisted. "They adore you and that's not gonna change. You just need to be open and honest with them, as much as you can be with kids."

"I can't believe this is happening. This was such a wonderful day. Bianca and I were so happy, we were talking about decorating our new house, making plans, and now… How could this have happened?"

"I don't know honey, I don't know. But you know I'm here for you, right?"

"Yeah." Marissa smiled through tears. "I need to find out what's happening. I'm gonna make those stupid doctors tell me what's wrong, they can't treat us like idiots all the time. I mean we have a right to know, don't we?"

"Of course. And I'm sure they're gonna tell us as soon as they know something."

"Which will be right now!" Marissa decided emphasizing the last two words. She was intent on finally finding out something concrete about Bianca's condition or she was going to go crazy. "I need to be there in case there is news." She added heading back inside, with Krystal following her.

When she got out of the elevator and headed towards Bianca's family and friends, she noticed some sort of commotion amongst them, so she sped up to get whatever news there was as soon as possible.

"Marissa!" Kendall called out, genuinely happy to see the redhead, or at least as happy as she could be considering the circumstances.

"Is there any news?" Marissa asked, not really sure if she was ready for whatever answer she was going to get,

"She's out of surgery." Kendall told her.

"So she's OK?" Marissa asked hopeful, although when she saw the look in Kendall's eyes, she realized the news wasn't that good.

"They say they were able to remove the bullet, but due to severe blood loss, they can't say anything for sure. They tell us to have faith though." Kendall reported pointing to the fact how she thought that 'have faith' was so not what she had wanted to hear from the doctors.

"Erica is with her right now." Greenlee explained. "I'm sure she's telling her to fight like hell. And Bianca be damned if she doesn't listen to Erica Kane." Greenlee tried to make a joke, but even she herself wasn't so sure of what she was saying.

"Yeah, I was gonna go next…" Kendall started, "But if you want to?" She looked questioningly at Marissa. "I think she'd want you there."

"Yeah?" Marissa asked, not totally sure she was ready to face Bianca yet, but knowing she would do absolutely anything for the other woman.

"Absolutely." Kendall assured her and gestured for Marissa to follow her. "Come on, I'll take you."

Marissa smiled weakly as a sign of appreciation for what Kendall was doing and followed the brunette until they reached the door to Bianca's hospital room.

"It's right here. " Kendall pointed the door. "Like I said, mom is there, but I'm sure she'll let you see Bianca."

"Are you sure you don't wanna see her?" Marissa asked.

"I do. I just feel that she'd want you to go in first."

"I wouldn't want to…" Marissa started, but Kendall cut her short.

"You're not." The brunette assured the other woman and squeezed her hand gently. "You're family." She added to make sure Marissa knew that.

"Thank you." Marissa said in a weak voice. "And I just need you to know how sorry I am for everything that happened. I mean JR…"

"JR is not your responsibility." Kendall insisted, her voice firm and convincing. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this." She looked at Marissa carefully studying the redhead's face and making sure she knew no one was blaming her for this. "JR is a sick bastard and he's gonna get his, but right now I need you to go in there and tell my sister to fight to get back to her family. Because if there is anyone who can get her to do that, it's you." Kendall was now crying and Marissa didn't hesitate a second before she wrapped her arms around the brunette in a comforting gesture. She could feel Kendall shivering against her and she could feel Kendall's tears wetting her bare shoulders. And for a moment they just cried together, hoping and praying to God that the woman they both loved so much would be alright.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Marissa looked at the door to Bianca's hospital room and exhaled deeply. She was terrified of what she was about to see, but she knew that she needed to see Bianca, remind her that she had two beautiful daughters who need her, make her realize how much she needed her. She couldn't imagine her life without Bianca and the prospect of having to face a reality without the beautiful brunette made Marissa want to scream in anger and desperation. But she promised herself that she wouldn't let Bianca see how scared she was, so she took two more deep breathes and turned the doorknob.

The room was dark and she noticed Erica turning her head when she saw the door open.

"Hi, I didn't mean to interrupt…" Marissa started a little hesitantly. "Kendall said…"

"It's OK, come on in." Erica stood up and gestured for Marissa to come up to the bed. "I've been talking to her, but I know she will much more likely listen to you." Erica forced a gentle smile, which Marissa returned. She could see how much the older woman was hurting, which took her by surprise to some extent, because Erica Kane had always seemed to her like such a strong and confident person. And Marissa had no doubt that she was, but she also knew that seeing your child unconscious hooked up to annoyingly beeping machines had to make a dent in your strength and confidence.

"I don't know what to tell her." Marissa shook her head helplessly.

"Tell her how you feel." Erica advised. "Remind her how much she has to live for."

Marissa simply nodded her head as she felt Erica squeeze her hand before leaving the room. When the door closed, for a moment Marissa remained in the middle of the room, not being able to move. She was terrified what her reaction to seeing Bianca might be, she didn't even know what to expect. But after a few moments of staring blankly at the wall, she turned around and slowly walked to the side of Bianca's bed.

She held her breath when she finally looked at Bianca's face. She almost looked like she was sleeping, peaceful, if you don't count the tubes and cables and machines. She was also a little bit more pale than normally and she was not wearing make-up, but she still looked beautiful. And Marissa almost felt guilty for thinking that, considering the circumstances. But she couldn't help admiring Bianca's beauty even when she was lying unconscious on a hospital bed.

Marissa realized that her hand was shaking uncontrollably when she sat on the chair left by Erica and took Bianca's hand in hers. She almost froze when she didn't feel Bianca squeeze her hand back. It felt so wrong. And Bianca's hand was so much colder than usual. For a split second Marissa considered letting go of Bianca's hand, but she berated herself for that and held on to Bianca even stronger than a moment before.

"Hi." Marissa started, almost laughing at herself and at how ridiculous that sounded. What the hell was she supposed to say anyway? "It's me… Which I guess you already know if you can hear me… Which they say you might, so I just wanted to let you know that I'm here. And that I'm not going anywhere until you wake up and I can look into those amazing eyes of yours."

Marissa looked at Bianca's eyelids and wiped a tear that started rolling on her cheek.

"This is just so wrong, Bianca. So wrong. You shouldn't be here, this should never have happened. I should have done a better job protecting you from that bastard." Marissa could no longer control her tears. She was so angry at herself for not making sure that JR didn't hurt Bianca. She had let herself be comforted by Bianca so many times, so many times Bianca had promised her that she was not going to let JR hurt her or AJ. And it had been so easy to believe her, because Bianca had always been so strong, so ready to always protect everybody around her, everybody she loved. But not once had Marissa assured Bianca that she was gonna protect her and her girls. And she should have. Marissa felt like she had failed Bianca and she had no idea how she was going to make it right. How she was going to make everything up to Bianca. Because she had to believe she was going to be given a chance to do that.

"I'm so sorry Bianca." Marissa continued. "I'm so sorry that I got you into this mess. I promise that when you wake up, I'm gonna make sure you are the happiest woman alive. I'm gonna make you and your girls so happy, I swear. But I need you to give me a chance. I need you to wake up, so that I can show you how much I love you. How much better my life has been since you've been in it. How happy you have made me in the last couple of months. I need you to wake up so that we can do all the things we wanted to do. Like that family vacation in Florida. Remember when we made plans for that? That was even before… Before we got together… But we promised the kids that we were gonna take them to Disneyland. And we can't back down on that promise, now can we? The kids would never forgive us, you know that." Marissa sobbed, memories of family time with Bianca, AJ, Miranda and Gabby filling her mind. "God, Bianca, those beautiful girls of yours need you. And they love you so much. I need you to think about them, I need you to remember the love that you have for them. And I need you to fight, because you need to come back to them. To all of us."

Marissa took a few moments to wipe the tears away from her face before she continued.

"There are so many people who love you, Bianca. So many people who can't imagine their lives without you. You touch so many lives every day and you don't even know it. And you have changed my life so much. You have made it so much better and so much more fulfilling. You have made me see things I've never seen before. You are the only person… the only person in the world who could make me so excited about the future. Before I met you, I used to just live day by day, never really thinking about the future too much… But ever since my future started including you, I have been so happy and excited at every possible prospect of spending time with you and the kids. Every time I think about our new house, about falling asleep and waking up in your arms, I feel such joy that I can't even describe it. Whenever I think about our future together with our kids, it makes me feel like I've done something right for once. Like this time I have made the right choice… Not that falling in love with you was a choice, but you know what I mean… I've finally found my place in the world, with you and our kids, and I need you to wake up, so that we can have that future we talked about. I sure as hell can't have it on my own, can I?" Marissa asked, but didn't really expect Bianca to answer. "So please, Bianca, I'm begging you, please wake up." Marissa brought Bianca's hand to her mouth and kissed it gently. "Please, you have to fight. You have to hang in there. I promise I will take care of the girls until you wake up, but you need to come back to us."

For a moment Marissa just held onto Bianca's hand tightly, stupidly hoping that her closeness was going to stir something in Bianca, remind her how much she was loved, how desperately everyone wanted for her to wake up. She had to know. And she had to come back to all the people that loved her. All the people whose lives would be so empty without her.

"Just think about all the things we have yet to do. All the plans that we made." Marissa continued, trying and needing to believe that her rambling was somehow going to affect Bianca. That her rambling was going to remind Bianca of everything that still awaited her, everything that she still had to live for, everything they were still to do together, as a couple and as a family. "You promised to take me to New England in the fall. You said it's so beautiful there that time of the year and that you really wanted to share that with me and I want that too. I really want to go to New England in the fall Bianca, so I need you to wake up so that we can go. And how about the vacation in California? We wanted to go next summer… The girls were so excited, and we promised AJ he could learn how to surf… And we were gonna decorate our house, we got all those catalogues… And you promised AJ to help him with his science project… And Miranda has that school play in November, she's been working so hard on getting her part just right. You have to be there for the premiere, Bianca. You have to be there for all of it. Do you hear me? Because we can't do this without you… We can't. We need you. Our family wouldn't be complete without you, so please remember that, OK? Remember that we love you and that we will be here waiting for you, no matter how long it takes. We'll be here… I'll be here and I will not let you give up on us. Do you hear me? I won't!"

Marissa was now almost angry at how helpless she felt. It angered her that there was nothing that she could do, nothing that she could say that would help Bianca. She was absolutely powerless and she despised that feeling. She hated not having control over her own life. Having to depend on other people and the universe to make sure Bianca was OK. Because Bianca was going to be OK, this much Marissa knew. Or at least she kept telling herself. She had told herself that so many times that she almost believed it now. She had to believe it. She couldn't let herself imagine the worst case scenario, because if she did, she knew she was going to fall apart. She was going to cry, scream, kick and God knows what else, to get rid of all the fear and desperation she was feeling. But she knew she couldn't do that, because Bianca needed her. And Bianca needed her to be strong, for both of them and for the kids. She had to make sure Bianca knew she could count on her and Marissa was going to do everything in her power to stay strong enough to bring Bianca back.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: OK, first of all, I feel like such a jerk that just when I told you I would be updating more often, I basically stopped updating at all :( I am really really sorry about that, but as much as I love writing this story, things happen in life that steal you away from your hobbies. And even though it's nothing really major, I've just been extremely busy recently and my fanfiction writing time has been cut to a minimum. But I just want you to know that I have every intention of finishing this story (and maybe writing some others), but I will no longer be making promises I can't keep and I will just post whenever I can. I just hope you'll forgive me and be patient! :)

**Chapter 5**

Marissa didn't know how long she had been sitting by Bianca's bedside. It seemed like ages. It seemed like she had been waiting forever for Bianca to give her any sort of a sign that she was listening to her and that she was fighting her way back. Any sort of a sign that she was fighting for the future that they were supposed to have.

The constant beeping of the machines kept reminding Marissa where she was and why she was there. And every time she opened her eyes and looked at Bianca, she hoped that this time Bianca would be awake, smiling at her, telling her how much she was looking forward to their life together. And every single time Marissa got disappointed, because Bianca's eyes remained closed and there was no sign whatsoever of a smile on the brunette's face. That smile that Marissa adored so much. And she refused to believe that she would never get to see that smile again. The mere thought of never seeing Bianca's smile again made Marissa's heart stop.

Marissa's thoughts and prayers were interrupted by someone opening the door and entering the room. She lazily moved her eyes away from Bianca to see who came into the room and noticed Kendall and Krystal approaching Bianca's bed slowly.

"What is it? Is there anything new? Did anything happen?" Marissa asked nervously, a little scared that something might have happened and she missed it, even though she had been by Bianca's side the entire time.

"No, there's nothing new." Kendall replied. "But she's hanging on and the doctors are pretty optimistic. They're just waiting for her to wake up to be able to say something more."

"Are they ever going to tell us anything else?" Marissa asked frustrated. "It seems like they're telling us the exact same thing they have told us every single time we asked. What's wrong with them, damn it?"

"Honey, please try and calm down. They're doing everything they can and they can't possibly tell us anything when they don't know anything themselves."

"I know." Marissa sighed with resignation. And she really did know, at least the rational part of her did. But the more irrational part was so worried about Bianca that any explanations on the part of the doctors just fell on deaf ears. Marissa needed to know that Bianca was going to be fine and she needed to know it right now.

"I think you should go home for a moment." Krystal suddenly suggested, but Marissa immediately protested.

"I can't! I need to be here with her. I can't leave her alone."

"She won't be alone." Kendall assured. "I'm gonna stay with her. And you really sure go get some rest, Marissa. Ryan took my mom home for a while, although we almost had to use force to make her leave. Please don't make us use force on you too." Kendall asked and paused for a moment. "Besides, no matter what happens, someone's gonna have to talk to the kids and we figured…"

"Of course!" Marissa exclaimed, berating herself that she almost forgot about the kids. "God, what time is it?"

"It's a little after five." Kendall replied after looking at her watch.

"The kids are still asleep then." Marissa began thinking out loud. "I should really get over to Opal's and be there when they wake up. But I don't wanna leave Bianca. I wanna be here when she wakes up."

"Well then why don't you go and talk to the kids and I'll call you as soon as I hear something?" Kendall suggested.

"I'll take you." Krystal offered.

"OK." Marissa finally agreed. As much as she hated the thought of leaving Bianca's side, she knew that the kids, and especially the girls, were going to have many questions and she wanted to be there to answer them all as best as she could. After all, she needed to make sure they were all OK and make the whole thing as easy for them as possible. If she herself couldn't really understand what or why was happening, she was sure the kids were going to understand even less. "But promise me you'll call as soon as something happens?" Marissa looked at Marissa intently.

"I swear." Kendall promised. "As soon as they tell us something concrete, I'll let you know. Now go, I'll make sure she's OK."Kendall reassured her gesturing at Bianca and the two women hugged.

The drive to Opal's was silent. Marissa didn't really feel like talking, and Krystal had no idea what to tell her daughter to placate her fears a little bit. As much as she would like to tell Marissa that everything was going to be fine, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She just couldn't, when she knew she would be doing it without conviction. Krystal's heart was breaking for Marissa, but she also knew her daughter and she knew that Marissa was going to get through this.

When they arrived, Opal couldn't help but welcome Marissa with a hug, full of compassion and reassurance.

"I'm so sorry." Opal said through tears as she held Marissa tight. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. This is so horrible. But I know Bianca and she's gonna fight. There is no way she's gonna leave those beautiful girls of hers, no way!" Opal said firmly and for a moment Marissa almost made herself believe it. And she wished things were this easy.

It was a little after seven when Marissa heard noises coming from the kids' room, which indicated that one of the kids was already up. Marissa quietly opened the door and realized that Gabby was trying to climb out of her bed. When the girl noticed Marissa, her face lit up and she hurried to hug the woman.

"Hi." Gabby said excitedly wrapping her hands around Marissa's neck. "Where is mommy?"

Marissa's heart sank at that simple question. What was she supposed to say? _My ex-husband went all psycho on us and shot your mom and now we don't know if she's going to survive_? She had tried to prepare herself for that conversation ever since they left the hospital, but when Gabby looked at her with those big eyes of hers asking about her mom, everything Marissa thought she had ready to tell the kids was gone.

"Mommy can't be here right now." Marissa simply said, even though she knew it wasn't going to be enough. But she hoped it would at least buy her some time until she could once again figure out what exactly to tell the kids. "When Miranda and AJ wake up, I'm going to tell you everything." Marissa promised, hoping that she'd have some time to think everything over, but apparently Gabby had other ideas. It didn't take her two seconds until she was jumping on Miranda's bed, screaming for her sister to wake up, repeating the same actions on AJ's bed, which of course left the other two kids no choice, but to get up and enquire what was going on.

"Gabby, what are you doing?" Miranda asked sleepily. "Is it time to get up yet? I thought mom was going to wake us up." Miranda asked and when she realized Marissa was in the room, the girl asked. "Do we have to get up now? We don't have school today. Mom was going to take us to the movies."

"You don't have to get up yet." Marissa replied and looked affectionately at all three kids. "But I wanted to talk to you about something."

"What? Is it a surprise?" AJ asked excitedly and Marissa's heart broke at the thought of what she was about to tell them. She would do anything to avoid it, but she figured they were old enough to be told at least part of the truth. Maybe with Gabby she would have gotten away with little white lies to shelter her from everything, but AJ and Miranda were way too old and far too intelligent not to notice that something was very wrong. And she didn't want to have to like to them. She would do anything to protect them from all of this, but this was too huge of a deal to try and hide from them. The kids needed to be told and she could only hope she would find words to do that.

"No, it's not a surprise." Marissa said in a sad tone and gestured for the kids to sit on one of the beds. "Come on." She asked and waited until the kids settled on the bed, AJ and Gabby at her side and Miranda holding Gabby's hand. Marissa could see that the older girl could sense that something bad was happening.

"Where is mommy?" Miranda asked, and Marissa knew that this time there was no escaping giving an answer.

"Do you remember how mommy and I went to a party last night?" The kids nodded their heads. "Well, at that party there was someone who tried to hurt your mommy." Marissa looked at Miranda and Gabby. She was almost afraid to look at AJ, and she was not ready to tell him that this someone who wanted to hurt Bianca was his own father. "And he hurt your mom so bad that we had to take her to the hospital." Marissa simply said, as she couldn't really find any other way to say it. She figured the kids would have found out about Bianca being in hospital anyway, so it was better they learned that from her.

"When is she coming home?" Miranda asked, not fully understanding what her mother being in a hospital could really mean. "She promised to take us to the movies today."

"I'm afraid she won't be able to do that." Marissa said, pulling Gabby closer to her and squeezing AJ's hand, trying as hard as she could not to fall apart in front of the children. Now she understood what Bianca meant when she said she had to keep up appearances in front of Miranda and Gabby when she was going through her divorce and was doing everything she could to convince the girls that they were going to be fine. Marissa could only hope she would be able to be as strong as Bianca was back then.

"Why?" AJ asked.

"Well, I told you that someone hurt Bianca and she needs to rest for a while. But if you want I could take you?" Marissa offered looking at AJ and then Miranda and Gabby, hoping that for the time being it would be enough. "And when your mommy is better, we will all go. How does that sound?"

"Cool!" Gabby exclaimed excitedly, probably still not fully understanding what was going on. She didn't ask any questions, for which Marissa was grateful.

"Can we see mom?" Miranda inquired, sensing that something was really wrong.

"Not today." Marissa said sadly. "She is still very weak and the doctors wouldn't let you see her anyway. She needs a lot of rest. But as soon as she feels better, we will go and visit her. I'm sure she'll be very happy to see you." Marissa said, or rather whispered. She had to try really hard not to cry at the thought of Bianca lying unconscious in a hospital bed. But she had to believe that soon, really soon, she would wake up and the kids would be able to see her. And they would start making plans for the future again.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: First of all, I am really sorry I'm taking this long in between updates, but life just gets in the way. But I do promise you that I have every intention to finish this story and I will definitely do that, even if it may take a while. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and the next one will be up as soon as I write it :D

**Chapter 6 **

Three days later Bianca was still unconscious and Erica, Marissa, Kendall and the rest of the gang were still camped out at the hospital, only making short trips home to take care of the most important issues. Kendall and Zach of course had the boys to look after and they were doing their best to be there for their sons as well as Miranda, Gabby and AJ. And Marissa and Erica just didn't know what to tell the girls about their mother without lying to them and without scaring them too much. The task was proving especially difficult with Miranda, because both Erica and Marissa knew that she understood a lot more than she was sometimes given credit for. And while Gabby would accept their explanations saying that mommy was really really tired, Miranda was a lot less inclined to believe them. She knew that something was wrong and she wanted answers and they both knew that sooner or later they were going to have to figure out what to tell the kids. They both prayed that they wouldn't have to, but had both been through enough to know that in life you don't always get what you pray for.

When Marissa got to the hospital after taking the kids to school, Kendall was already there as neither of them wanted to leave Bianca alone, even for a second. Greenlee and Ryan were there as well, offering support and apparently breakfast, as Marissa noticed a tray of coffees and some take out food on the chair next to Ryan. He extended his hand offering Marissa a cup of hot beverage, knowing that she probably hadn't eaten anything before coming to the hospital.

"Thanks." She sent him a weak smile and sat in an empty seat next to him.

"How are you holding up?" Marissa heard Kendall's voice and she could tell how exhausted Bianca's sister was.

"I could ask you the same question." Marissa looked at Kendall meaningfully and offered a smile. They both knew how much the other one was hurting and how much they both wished Bianca would just put them all out of their misery and woke up.

"How are the kids?" Kendall asked concerned.

"As well as you can expect." Marissa replied with her heart breaking for the three little people she loved so much. "They don't understand fully what's happening or why they can't just come here and see Bianca." She sighed. "I tried to explain best as I could, but I don't know…"

"Hey, I'm sure you were great with them." Kendall smiled gently. "Bianca's girls absolutely adore you."

"Well the feeling is definitely mutual." Marissa smiled as she thought back to the two beautiful girls who were counting on her now. "I just wish I could tell them something more concrete, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I just wanna be able to tell them that their mom is going to be OK and that she's going to wake up anytime now."

"I'm pretty sure we all would wanna hear that." Greenlee interjected. "I wish the doctors would just get their asses here and told us what the hell is going on." She added in a typical Greenlee fashion.

"I know." Marissa agreed. "I hate all this waiting, not knowing if…" Marissa stopped for a moment when she realized what she was saying. "_When…_ Not knowing _when_ she is going to wake up…" She paused for a moment again and nobody else dared to speak either. "I mean I keep telling myself that she's strong and she's a fighter and that she wouldn't leave her girls, but the truth is that I just really don't know. Nobody knows… And I can't even imagine…" Marissa trailed off as she felt Ryan put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture. He knew that even though he and Greenlee had known Bianca a lot longer than Marissa, neither of them had such strong feelings for her than the redhead. And he could only imagine what Marissa must have been going through.

"Can we please stop thinking about the worst case scenarios?" Greenlee almost begged after a moment of silence. "Why can't we just focus on happy memories for example?" She looked around and everyone seemed to agree that it was a good idea. "Like the time Kendall got drunk after a party at Fusion and she wouldn't go home, so I had to call Bianca to help me straighten her out." Greenlee shared and smiled at the thought of that evening.

"And how is that a happy memory exactly?" Kendall asked a little embarrassed. "I could barely stand on my two feel that night."

"I know, I was there, I remember." Greenlee said chuckling. "And I'm surprised that you do as well." She looked at Kendall meaningfully. "Besides it was indeed a very happy memory. I mean we just won this huge contract and we were celebrating. Some people more than others." She winked at Kendall.

"That was a good night." Kendall finally agreed. "Even if I did throw up in the bathroom twice." She added and everyone laughed.

"Hey it's not like you're the only one who ever got drunk." Marissa pointed out. "God knows I've done my share of really really stupid things while not completely sober."

"Marissa Tasker!" Kendall feigned indignation. "And I let you babysit my kids!"

"I think Greenlee's story just proved that you have no right to comment on anyone's behavior."

"But you're supposed to be a respectable lawyer now!" Kendall continued her teasing.

"Yeah, like that's ever stopped anybody." Greenlee laughed. "It's all good just as long as you know when and where to be respectable."

"If we were drinking, I'd definitely drink to that." Kendall offered and the gang laughed again.

"God all that talk about drinking really makes me wanna have a drink." Marissa sighed. "Not that it would change anything right now."

"Well then let's leave the drinks for after Bianca wakes up." Kendall suggested. "We'll have a huge party and we'll celebrate and everyone will be allowed to drink as much as they want to. Even respectable lawyers." She looked meaningfully at Marissa.

For a moment they fell silent again, as if remembering the reason they were all gathered in that green hospital hallway. Their friend was fighting for her life and if talking about drinking was going to make the wait for the news any more bearable, they were willing to do that. Anything to not think about the fact that deep down they were all terrified for Bianca.

They spent the next couple of minutes in complete silence and just when they thought they wouldn't be able to take it anymore, they heard the sound of high heels stepping on the floor and notice Erica appearing from around the corner, accompanied by Bianca's doctor. And then they heard Erica say the words they'd been longing to hear for what seemed like forever.

"She's awake."


End file.
